Deanna Beaver
I have experienced a lot of grief in the last five years. Close family members and friends have left Earth to walk the golden streets of heaven. The one thing I’ve come to realize is that everyone grieves differently. There’s no perfect way to grieve.
In Ecclesiastes, we’re told there’s a time and a season for everything. But how do we know when the time is over? Who dictates that it’s time to stop grieving? I say it’s never over. I have heard well-doers tell others that they need to “get over their grief” or “It’s time to move on.” I think this is preposterous!
From my experience, just when you think you’re in control, there are triggers that cause a sudden influx of tears. Maybe it’s a date or a place that relates to the special person or thing we are grieving. It could be another person’s presence, a particular place, a movie, or a memory that may send you to the tissue box. I do know that everyone doesn’t grieve in the same way.
How can you compare one person’s grieving to someone else’s? What evidence do you possess that suggests this person grieves a certain way in a situation? Some people react physically and emotionally, while others may show no outward signs at all.
Reaching out to an individual who has suffered a loss is important. Whether it was a family member, co-worker, friend, or pet, each loss deserves respect and remembrance. Say the name of the deceased and bring up good memories.
I do not know your personal situation regarding grief. I want to extend my heartfelt condolences and prayers to you and your family. I would also like to offer an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on—just reach out.
For me, I rely on God to help me through these sad times. The Bible is a source of comfort to me. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 states there is a “time to weep” and “a time to mourn.” Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.”
What has helped you through a grieving period in your life? Leave a comment below.
There’s a wonderful song called “You Weep With Me” by Rend Collective. It has brought me comfort in time of grief over the last several years. I like the part that says: “Weep with me. Lord will You weep with me? I don’t need answers, all I need is to know that You care for me.”
I also feel comfort from others who “weep with me” and are okay sitting with me in the grief and not just looking for the silver-linings right away. I can feel Jesus through their empathy and presence. And I know Jesus will bring hope and a positive outlook in His good timing.
Allyson, I looked up the song, “You Weep With Me,” by Rend Collective. Thank you for sharing. It was comforting and relatable. I agree that the presence of others who understand that sometimes a human hug is more effective than words.
Beautiful.
Expressing gratitude to God for the person’s life has helped transform grief,
especially when my mom passed away. I recently read we can be filled with grief and joy at the same time. I agree with you, Deanna, grief has no timeline.
Vicki, as a Christian, I can see how we can be joyful and sad at the same time while grieving. I like the practice of expressing gratitude to God for that person. Sometimes we don’t realize the impact the deceased had on our lives and others’. Thank you for your thoughts.
Thank you, Deanna. Your words are so true.
Maggie, I’m glad you stopped by to reply. I know you understand the depth and longevity of grief. I hope you are doing well and enjoying your travels.
Grief is such an individual event for people. I think letting friends know you are thinking of them and let them talk is best.
Patty, I agree with you. That is why I wrote this post—to let others know that it’s completely normal to grieve in different ways and hear how different people cope with grief. Thank you, I always look forward to your outlook and comments.
I so enjoy your posts as well. They make us all pause and ponder!
Patty, thank you for those kind words. I have been encouraged to have a “Brand” for my blog. Sometimes my mind doesn’t work that way and I have to write about the topic at hand. Just saying.
I couldn’t agree with these words more, my friend! Everybody grieves in their own way, and I don’t think you ever “get over it.” I don’t really know if I like the term, the “new normal,” but it is kinda fitting. Thinking of you, sweet friend!
Julie, I have recently lost another friend to brain cancer. Ironically, she died the day after the anniversary of my friend who passed three years ago. I have decided that I need to be more intentional in my relationships with family and friends. Thank you for reaching out.
Deanna, since the loss of my husband, I’ve realized how much personal grief styles can differ. There’s no pattern or plan to follow. Knowing God “is close to the brokenhearted” helps me. I also appreciate people talking about my beloved and listening as I share about him. I’m sorry you’re grieving, too.
Jeannie, you are always in my prayers. I can’t imagine what you must be going through, losing your best friend, lover, and confidante. Your strength and faith are an encouragement to me and others. We need to talk soon. Hugs
I want you to know I’m doing a study on Heaven right now and it is a joyful one. We miss and grieve so differently here than we will one day! Hang in there and know you are loved!
Nancy, I would be interested to hear more about your study on Heaven. We can never begin to imagine the joy we’ll experience there!
Thank you for your comforting words. You are so right that grief has so many layers to deal with. Especially when you are dealing with many losses at one time. As I continue to carry their memories with me, I found comfort through my Bible study that I do each and every morning. Spending quality time with our Lord and Savior brings comfort to me every day. May you continue your comfort as you carry the precious memories of your loved ones too. Have a blessed week.
Heidi, thank you again. I appreciate you and your prayers. Thank you for always being there for me.
Thank you for sharing your post about grief. Grief is a continuous process that you go through when you are faced with it. Your words really hold true for me. When you have multiple losses at once it comes overwhelming. But my journey with my Bible study brought comfort to me. May you continue to embraced your experiences with their memories and legacy too. Have a blessed week.
Heidi, thank you for sharing. I agree that grief is a continuous process, and you can grieve differently at different times for different people and things.
I enjoyed reading these comments, Deanna. When someone I admire passes, I try to identify one trait of theirs–like compassion, humility or their adventurous spirit–and commit to emulate that whenever I can. They live on by how they’ve inspired others.
Tricia, that’s a great idea. It’s nice to recognize others’ special traits and strive to be more like them. What a great way to honor others.
Amen. Thank you for sharing this, Deanna.
Cindy, thank you for engaging and being my prayer warrior through a lot of grief these past few years.
I have reflected on the article many times and how personal grieving is to each individual! I am thankful & blessed to have family and close friends to share in the journey of grief.
Missy, I concur that grieving is very specific to each individual. What a blessing it is to have others close to you understand and listen—especially during the grieving process.